For someone with a name like Captain McHappyPants, you’d think her smile would be slightly more… uh… visible? I wonder sometimes though; Maybe she’s incapable of being pleasant. Like, maybe she has a grumpy disease or something. Crankesitis… an inflammation of the Cranky. Maybe she’s on a wait list for a grumpectomy. Or a frownoplasty.
But perhaps I am being insensitive. Maybe she’s just bored. I’ll try and strike up a conversation. I’ll mention the free food down the hall. That’ll work for sure. Because, well… free food. Kinda hard to be miserable when someone is volunfeeding you, right?
OK, so turns out free food isn’t the answer. In fact, I’m afraid she now hates me due to my efforts of commraderie. My deductive diagnosis: Incapability Of Happiness. There’s no other solution.
In my flabbergastation, I have decided to log my encounters with Captain McHappyPants. I shall document this rare and most unpleasant disease of IOH. My findings shall be accurately and chronologically sound. Wish me well in my new found endeavour, my friends. These waters are shark infested to be sure, even though the idea of sharks are cool and far more enjoyable/desireable to be around than C. McHappyPants.