Maybe she was the one who broke him.
Maybe she was the one who had cast a spell over him strong enough to keep him broken for the remainder of his life without her. When she left, she packed up all her stuff, and some of his, too, and walked out the door, but left memories behind to stay up with him all night long and through drawn out, painful days. When she walked all over him and made him do the things he didn’t particularly want to but did because she wanted him to, she dug her fingernails into his soul, and the scratch marks remain as scar tissue for the next girl to see when he takes his shirt off in front of her. ‘How did you get those scars?’ she’ll ask him, and he’ll turn away and say he doesn’t want to talk about it because it still hurts too much.
When she decided to turn his world upside down and make a car wreck of their relationship and his heart, she walked away with her heart intact because there wasn’t much there to break to begin with. He will have had sleepless nights and tear stained pillowcases though, and if he did sleep, he would wake up with stomachaches and headaches and it would have all stemmed from his heartache.
It was as though his heart shattered from the sound of the slamming door when she walked out of his life. He would have gone out with his buddies, and heard the stories about how he was too good for her anyway and about how they never really liked her because she was bossy and couldn’t stand the fact that his band practiced every Thursday night and she had no hobbies of her own except him. Sometimes he felt as though she was trying to change him, but always disregarded it as an ‘adjustment period’ in their relationship and never bothered arguing it, even when he realized that 4 years had gone by and he was no longer the same happy guy he used to be, but just a shell of that man.
But still he longs for those days when she’s gone.
But alas, a solution presents itself. No one will have a chance to hurt him again now, because of the wall that he’s built up around his heart. No one will be let in, and she will never be let out. ‘It’s the way things ought to be,’ he’ll tell himself, all the while trying to convince himself of that very thing. When the next girl comes along, he will be shut off emotionally, already tired mentally. She will ask him questions about his life and he will be vague and standoffish because no one will break down his wall. He will go days without talking to her because he doesn’t want a relationship, and if she texts him, he won’t answer because she will not be permitted to get close enough to know him. He’s designed it so that the wall is un-scalable, insurmountable, and best of all, impenetrable. She will lose interest and call him ‘damaged’ and tell her girlfriends that he is too big a project for her to try and fix. He will continue in life thinking that he is unlovable and unworthy of affection because of the residual echo of the voice in his head telling him he isn’t good enough.
It’s true that she broke him.
But I see him for who and what he is. I see the passion behind those beautiful eyes. I see the love that is hurling itself against the inside of the wall, begging to be let out. I see the man so deserving of affection, the man who is stronger than his past and braver than his future.
So sure, maybe it was her that broke him.
But maybe I will be the one to break the wall.